My deepest.... Everything

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

You Win. Well... It wasnt worth my fight.

I guess I had today coming, I wont say it's Karma because I know i've gotten that ten fold from the "you".
Its just when you get a sign or a gut feeling that a person just isnt right, you should walk away and not worry about saving anything...
Thats where I failed. I said that I walked away to walk away, but I turned around for who I thought could one day be genuine, be a friend...
Today she chose to truely test my faith, air what little she had on my life, talk about me like she never knew me...
I want to be mad, I'm still hurt, I'm angry, embarrassed... all the normal emotions a woman should feel when she gets betrayed by a person that swore up and down, through a million tears, texts, cards, and letters that they loved you more than life itself.
All it takes is for you to do one thing, say one thing that they dont agree with and *bam*, all your bad is put out for the world to see, point fingers at, give blind opinions on smh.
This is what fuels you? For what? To do what? The same things you could have done if you had been a woman and just let it go.
I guess that when some feel a relationship is truely over, the only way to finalize it is to do some of the cruelest shit you ever did to that person.
No, when one is truely over another, you dont have to do any of that. When you're done, none of that matters. Who wants to deal with guilt behind someone you dont even care about?
I sit here knowing all that you have done to me, I almost want to cry because it hurts.
but I'm done,
I want to call and yell at you,
but i'm done,
I want to air all your dirt, but i'm done.
I'm bigger, better and I LOVE.
He wont allow me to be any other way and I'm so thankful for that. You didn't get me where I am today, you did not show me what true love is and thankful to another I am able to walk away from anything less than.
Tears fall right now because even at a time where I stand sooooo alone, people like you make that seem like the best thing in the world. You did it, you said all that there was to say, you can sit back laugh and remember that you did it!!!!
All to; The woman that dedicated herself to making a family with you,
the woman that got you your first dj shirt made because I supported your dream,
the woman that helped you with your daughter,
the woman that listened to you cry about how much you hated the army,
the woman that layed beside you at night,
the woman that forgave you,
the woman that helped you when you needed it,
the woman you proposed to because you know the heart that I have,
the woman you chose to spend your last days with,
the woman that didnt take your past and judge you,
the woman that looked past your physical appearance and still loved you regardless of how much weight you gained,
and now the woman you degraded.
It didnt take a lot for me to realize that I had fallen out of love with you when I did, and I was woman enough to tell you.
I guess it took today to finally set in that, You are temporary, and although you're older than I, You are still not a woman.
A woman loves through it all....
I should hate now and I wont.
I have Love...
I have life. Maybe not the life you have. But it's my own. Today starts a newer day for me. Affirmation is strong, it can pick you up and put you on the right track..... Thank you.

Things are never as they seem. Only as they feel.

Labels: betrayal, hurt, lies, love, love lost

posted by LaKisha Patterson @ 7:56 PM

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