I almost feel the need to gulp as I write this. I know it's a feeling of anxiety, Ive been wanting to say and feel so much for so long that it seems today things can't come out of my mind any faster. For the past few years I found myself in this place where I knew the woman I wanted to be.. but somehow managed to let the relationship I was in turn me into someone completely different. This piece came from that situation.
I was gonna write a letter to HER, but maybe I should write a letter to ME Too many times I let HER feelings depict how mine should be Well if she loves me this much, then this is what I'll do, but if she doesn't love me just enough, then I'll run back to YOU... ME. Gave HER everything SHE wanted, changed the things I didn't want to, and when that wasn't enough for HER, I gotta myself again for YOU... ME. Now I'm back trying to get used to ME, gotta find ME, trying to love the ME that I had always been and loved before, but since I had changed ME so much for HER... I didn't love ME no more.... It's funny how you sometimes let yourself go to make others happy... even when you don't realize. I kept telling HER...ME, that "I ain't gon' change for nobody", then there SHE was, slowly molding ME to be this person. HER, not ME... and ME getting frustrated cause that's not who I wanted to be. ME... I laugh out loud in public I like to eat ribs with my hands I'm not ashamed of the woman I'm with and when were out in public I like to hold her hand... And yes I have an attitude, but YOU'D never know until you piss me off I may ask you to get me little material things, but always remember All that I had before you I bought. I pay my own bills on a regular, but if you're laying around you will take part I never give anyone full trust in the beginning, not because I'm sneaky, only because I have to protect my heart I love being around my better half but at the same time I need my space If I feel like you're doing wrong I will be the first one in your face I'm not down with any abuse, I've taken a lot and dished out some of my own I tend to be a bit whiny at times... but look a lil deeper and understand that since I was a little kid I had to be grown I love getting my way but what woman don't? You can tell me No, but if I want it that bad I'll get it on my own I don't like being put second to anything, but if I have to be at least make me feel like I'm number one I love hard when I feel you're worth it, but I shut down much harder Once my guard is up, getting it back down takes even longer I know I can be a Bitch at times but when I love.... Damn I love No matter how bad things get I give it all it takes to make things work between the two of us... But no longer can I battle between this "HER & ME, SHE & I" it's never gonna work. I know because all these year's I've tried...cried and pleaded I know one thing that stays the same is, No matter how much you try to change me, It does not change what I've been through or from where I've came... That is truly what lies behind my name LaKisha Renee Patterson... the baby I was born but not the woman I've become. "It's called a past cause I'm getting past and I ain't nothing like I was before..." - Alicia Keys
It is time for HER & SHE, ME & I to become one Accept me for who I am today, truly take ME for ME... The one thing YOU could never do So YOU not ME, I had to leave. by Lakisha Patterson
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I know it is hard to admit and face something like what you have described. I also gave up myself for a woman, only to find much later that I was left with neither her nor myself. It is not easy to swallow having failed someone else but it is even harder to admit you failed yourself. No one should go through that but those that do and recover as you have become the strongest people walking the Earth. With that I say congratulations and best of luck in your further endeavors.